i am so confused and scared right now but all this is making me really happy. although i kind of like the mysteriousness of it all, i'm worried that you don't actually mean any of the things you have said to me and you just feel a bit sorry for me so you thought you would apologize. i really wish i could see what was going on in that weird little mind of yours. i am so so angry at you, more than i could ever explain but talking to you makes me feel so happy. i think deep deep down you probably feel the same too. even though i don't see you anymore, i am going to miss you when i go to america. i need to stop saying things like that jgdhjrgsfkhs!